My daughter called herself “fat”

    I have a line that I use often about one of my parenting goals and its a version of “I know I’ll mess up my kids somehow, but it won’t be about food or body image.” I use it kind of as a joke but also something serious. I know I’m going to make parenting mistakes (already have made plenty) but I am working as hard as possible to make sure my children (both girls) have healthy views on food and their own bodies. I never comment on my own or other bodies around them and am very careful with particular words and language.

That’s why it hurt so much when my husband told me that my older daughter referred to her stomach as fat the other night. He was putting her to bed and thought it was so cute that she’s outgrown her pajamas so much that the top showed her belly. He wanted to take a picture of her in her pjs and she said “no, my fat tummy is showing.” Heartbreaking for me to hear. The irony is that she is super tall and very lean, but even if she wasn’t, it would still kill me to hear her say it.

I immediately wonder if perhaps I’ve said anything about my own body in front of her, even though I’m so strict about it. Perhaps I did. Perhaps she learned it from something else. Or, what I’m hoping is that she used the word wrong. Maybe it was because her tummy was showing or sticking out of her top that she said it. There is even a silly TV show where they refer to one of the characters, a father pig as having a fat tummy, could it be from that?

Whatever the reason or the thoughts behind the statement were, I need to make sure to be even more careful about my own language and comments on my own body. I want my daughters to be proud and respect their bodies.

Do you have words that are off limits in front of your kids? What would you do if your child referred to themselves or one of their body parts as “fat” ?

Fattening Friendships

With all of our clients, we’re constantly reading their food diaries. Some write it down in our handouts, some type it up and others email. These food diaries are often a window in our clients lives, not just in what and where they’re eating but whom they’re eating it with.

Sometimes we’ll be able to spot a pattern of when poor food choices are made and who our client is with. I like to try to subtly hint at what’s happening first during our session in an attempt for my client to put it together on his/her own. (Note- subtly doesn’t work for everyone). I try this way first because when people are the ones to find the pattern of their poor choices themselves, it tends to make a bigger impact than when I just tell them. But however way it’s done, my client realizes that a relationship is affecting his/her food choices.

I had this happen to me years ago, I had a close friend that I spent a lot of time with back when I was single. We ordered in a lot together and while normally that wouldn’t be an issue for me making healthy choices, I realized that I was eating so much more food when I was with her than with anyone else or by myself. When I stopped to think about it, my friend ate so much so fast that I had to eat faster than I would have liked or otherwise I wouldn’t have any food for the meal. So I had to switch things up- we stopped sharing any dishes and I was able to eat with her again without overdoing it.

Sometimes people influence what we eat because they want to order something unhealthy to share and we feel rude saying no. Other times even close friends can even sabotage anthers weight loss efforts for tons of different reasons. Even in the early stages of dating someone can lead you to not make the choices you would normally make food-wise.

Often just being aware of the pattern helps the situation out big time. If that doesn’t work for our clients we ask them to switch it up a bit, maybe try to find another activity to do with this friend instead of eating like working out, going to a museum or even just meeting for coffee instead of a meal. Just breaking the habits will make a difference.

What about you? Do you have any friends that could be influencing you to eat poorly?

Oh Old Navy.

A friend of mine took this picture when she was at Old Navy and sent it to me. She was full of rage about it and wrote to me that she was “glad her daughter wasn’t old enough to read this sign.” I put it up on my Instagram account (http://instagram.com/bnutritious/) and the response for the most part agreed.

I found this offensive too but maybe because I’m exhausted or overcommitted work wise (hence the lack of blogs) I wasn’t crazy mad about it. To me, this is another stupid comment made by someone that has no idea how to motivate people, not to mention, clearly someone who doesn’t workout much because no one actually believes that in one workout could results change.

Many people who come to my practice are often looking for the magic trick to change their bodies but deep down everyone knows that one actual workout just like one healthy meal isn’t going to make that kind of impact.

Perhaps Old Navy needs to have some new creative people behind these signs and statements, how about something like “you’ll never regret working out”?

Are you offended? Tell me your thoughts.

Mean or Motivating?

When it comes to trainers, teachers, coaches, etc do you find the tough ones to be more motivating or do you need a more gentle touch? As I’ve been gym and class hopping for the last few months trying to find what feels the best since having the baby, I’ve been thinking about this more and more.

I remember when I was younger and I needed a new trainer for horseback riding, it was important to me and my mom to find one that wasn’t known for her yelling as many were back then. I keep thinking of those days now in these fitness classes again. One class I really liked had one teacher on Tuesday mornings that no matter how many times I went, or how hard I worked, this woman wouldn’t remember my name (there were 10-12 people max in the class) or crack a smile. I know some people who flocked to her class and loved every minute, but for me, not so much. The teacher who was there on another day, knew and remembered my name by my second class with her and while the class was crazy hard, still managed to smile.

Another gym class I go to is a borderline boot camp inspired workout. The instructors are tattooed, muscle popping guys that have been giving me the most intense workouts. And while they do push me and everyone else close to our bodies limit, they still smile, hug and shout words of encouragement.

I need that balance, I need someone who pushes me harder than I want to go but also keeps it fun and personal to keep me wanting to work that hard. Am I alone here? I’m still shocked about how many people loved going to the “mean” instructors class. Is it a personality type?

Which instructor/trainer/teacher would you go for?

Workout attire

How much is too little to workout in? I’m not a modest person and I think people, especially women, should feel empowered to wear whatever they want to whenever they want to. That said, I’ve recently found myself thinking quite prudish thoughts over the last couple of weeks while working out.

The first time was during my favorite “pilates on crack” class (they seriously are ok with being called that) called SLT. In the room are about 15 mega reformers that we do a lot of bizarre moves on, many of them bending over. A woman two reformers down from me took her sweatpants off in the middle of class and was left in shorts that were just barely bigger than a bikini bottom. She seriously looked amazing, but (butt?) when she would do the moves, I ended up getting a serious birds eye view. My friend who was next to her said something along the lines of “I just saw as much as her gyno does.”

Next was in my spinning class. It’s common that some of the men take off their shirts and some women work out in a sports bra in this class. It’s hot, we sweat a lot and many of them look amazing. This one woman was no exception- she looked amazing in her sports bra. What stood out to me was how she had rolled down her waistband of her pants so low that her C-section scar was visible, if not more than that.

While both women looked amazing in their outfits or what was left of them, I couldn’t help but think of how exposed they were. Not in a judgmental way but more in a hygienic/borderline obscene way. I should note that both women are older than me so it can’t be old age is causing me to be prudish right?

Have you ever seen someone wearing something you were shocked by at the gym? Would it make a difference if they didn’t look as good in their outfits?

Scaling Back

I’m a numbers girl. Numbers make me feel safe- they don’t lie, they make sense, basically there is nothing to dispute when it comes to a number. Except sometimes when it comes to a scale. Studies have shown that people who weight themselves frequently are less likely to be overweight and can maintain their weight over long periods of time. Even daily weigh-ins can be beneficial and keep you honest about where your weight is.

Because scales can vary from one to another, I normally ask my clients to stay away from the scale during our active weight loss phase and just have their weekly/biweekly weigh-ins in the office. Once they move into maintenance, I have them figure out their scale schedule so that they have a consistent weekly weigh-in to keep them in check with their eating (one client dubbed it #weighinwednesday- love her!)

While the goal of the weigh-ins is to keep you on track, it occasionally can backfire. Some clients can get too focused on the number instead of how they’re feeling or perhaps an accomplishment that was challenging for them- like turning down a trigger food. Other times, seeing the scale stay stuck can cause frustration and discouragement. Or even worse, cause behavior that’s not productive, like skipping the gym or eating too much.  Right now, my scale is only causing me to be frustrated.  So I’m doing what I ask my clients to do- scaling back and stepping away from the scale. My scale is right now deep in my closet where it will stay for the month of January.

The purpose of “scaling back” is to allow yourself to focus on other achievements besides the number. Some refer to it as non-scale victories. I’ve been so proud of my workouts and my eating but I’ve let the scale ruin that good feeling. So for this month, I’m telling the scale to get lost…I will get back on it come February 1st but for now, I’m looking forward to this small break.

How about you? Would you give up your scale for a month?

Real Resolutions

My amazing associate Brigitte is taking over the blog today for some of her edits to common resolutions! Happy New Year everyone!!

Brooke

Business at B Nutritious always booms with the ringing in of the new year, (#nocomplaints) but I find that most of the new clients, as well as some existing clients come in with large-scale, broad, overwhelming resolutions, that usually don’t make it past the first quarter because they are too overreaching. So with the witching hour rapidly approaching, I wanted to help tweak some of those resolutions I hear the most, into more attainable, achievable long-term goals that will still be here come 2016. I think living a healthy lifestyle and feeling good about yourself should always be a priority, and if it takes a New Years resolution to make it happen, then I say, viva la resolutions!!

Instead of: Lose weight

Resolve to: Eat healthy

Eating healthy makes you…well…healthy! One sign that you are eating healthier would be weight loss. But focusing on the scale and the numbers can become an unhealthy obsession and as I tell all my clients…a watched scale never boils! Do not focus on the number, instead focus on eating more vegetables, protein, fiber, fruit, healthy fats and the numbers will fall into place.

Instead of: Eat more vegetables

Resolve to: Eat at least 2 cups worth of veggies at lunch and dinner

Giving yourself a specific amount and a visual way to set up a meal/plate gives you a concrete way to assess how many veggies you are actually having per meal and the ability to increase the amount, instead of a broad goal to just eat more without taking any real notice.

Instead of:  Exercising everyday

Resolve to: Exercise 3 times a week

It’s too easy to attempt to overacheive with your resolutions, only to have them fail because their not realistic. Exercising 3 days a week is certainly realistic and flexible. Plan out 3 specific days at the start of each week that you will exercise for at least 30 minutes. Planning ahead of time makes the exercise part of your daily routine on those 3 days and a non-negotiable, versus saying “oh well, I can just do it tomorrow instead”.  When it comes to working out, consistency is key and the “30×3” gives you and 2015 the consistency you’re looking for

Instead of: Stop drinking alcohol

Resolve to drink: 1-2 drinks, 2 nights a week

By giving yourself a concrete number of drinks to adhere to on a specific number of days per week, the change is more likely something you will 1) Do and 2) Stick to doing. Smaller, more realistic changes are easier to master at first, my clients who try to go from drinking almost every night to not drinking at all, never stick to it and wind up feeling bad about themselves. With smaller, achievable intervals, each goal is easier to accomplish and then build on. 

Instead of: Get more sleep

Resolve to: Go to bed 30 minutes earlier each weeknight.

Again, giving yourself small changes with a concrete specification, like 30 minutes earlier, will make the goal more attainable then a vague statement of getting more sleep without a finite plan of how to do it. It’s all about planning!

Wishing you a Happy and Healthy 2015!!

~Brigitte

The Buddha Diet

Recently I was interviewed for an online article about what my own personal resolution this year is. My answer was to be kinder to myself. I meant it and would love for this to actually happen but I’m slightly skeptical I’ll be able to completely follow through with it.

Shortly after I began doubting my resolution, I was on the phone with one of my mentors. I shared with him my struggles regarding my postpartum weight loss and how it’s affecting me emotionally and physically. Most times what he says to me really sticks with me but this time it really struck a chord. He talked about a philosophy in Buddhism that focuses on “non-violence to the self.” Now, forgive me if I don’t do justice to the religion or the philosophy- but the more we talked about it the more I realized this is a practice that I need to work on and that it aligned with my goal for myself in 2015.

What we discussed and what I took “non-violence to the self” to mean was that we (I) need to make sure how we treat ourselves, mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally needs to not do us any harm. He pointed out that in my case, a lot of the negative thoughts I have in my head are actually do more damage or “violence” to myself instead of being productive or causing positive change. My mentor told me that the thoughts we have, the actions we take, the food we eat, can all be a positive or a negative tool we use every minute of everyday. When those are negative, just imagine how much of a beating our body, mind and soul are taking on a regular basis.

Of course I immediately make a joke (as I tend to do when I’m uncomfortable) about how here is another thing I can feel bad about not achieving. He didn’t find it funny and instead reminded me that even that joke would have been considered a “violent act to the body.”

While my joking certainly isn’t going to stop- I think I’m going to give this a try. I wonder if I take some of the negativity out of my mind maybe it will have a benefit on the rest of my body?

What do you think of this practice? Want to join me attempting this?

I Effed Up

It’s a Monday and that often means I’ll get a few emails from clients with a version of the title of this blog post. I f***ed up, I messed up, disaster weekend, or even a simple oops are common subject lines. For some reason a weekend can turn even my most determined client into a binge eating, poor choice making person. I often think that its the lack of a schedule that gets people into trouble on the days beginning with an S. Whether it’s sleeping later than normal, having brunch plans or having to run out to a kids soccer class, when things are different, it’s harder keep to an eating schedule.

The weekend doesn’t have to be all greens with chicken breast in order for it to be healthy or to help you continue your weight loss plans. In fact, I’m all for a treat or as we like to call it in the office an Intentional Indulgence- a pre-planned or thoughtful decision to eat something that is not necessarily the healthiest choice that can be eaten with no guilt. But sometimes even the best intentions go awry. Take my Sunday for example, where I totally F***ed Up:

I had a great healthy breakfast with the kids and then was taking  my older daughter to see a performance. We had to leave at around 10:45am to get to the theater on time for a 12pm show. So what was going to happen to lunch? We stopped at a little place on the way and I got my daughter a chocolate croissant (don’t judge), picked up two little packages of nuts for myself and then decided as an intentional indulgence, I’d have a little apple tart. We eat while we drive and it’s delicious and during the concert I proudly snacked on my nuts feeling quite pleased with myself. After the concert, my daughter is hungry. So I pulled over into a bagel place, ordered her a bagel and somehow heard myself ordering one for me too. And then I ate it, the entire bagel. While this isn’t the worst offense I could make, I didn’t need it. I felt gross after I ate because I wasn’t actually hungry and I already had indulged in something delicious and intentional and this bagel certainly was not worth it.

That said, I picked up right back where I needed to, let go of the guilt and had a healthy dinner. I started this Monday with a healthy start and moved on which is how you (and I) should handle any poor eating choice.

How did you eat this weekend? Did you F*** Up at all?

Insults, compliments and in between.

When my clients first start losing a significant amount of weight, we often talk about the things their friends, coworkers and family members are saying to them.  What surprised me when I first started my practice almost a decade ago was that many times the comments end up being not necessarily positive. Sometimes they are backhanded compliments, sometimes they are inappropriate comments about someones body and sometimes they are just plain mean.

When it comes to talking about someones body or appearance there needs to be a line that people don’t cross. I know someone that whenever I see her, she always says some sort of compliment but with a surprised inflection – so it takes away any of the positive meaning of the compliment. Sometimes even saying “have you lost weight?” can affect my clients and others because there is some implication that they needed to lose weight.

One of my clients is quite large chested we often talk in our sessions about how so many friends of hers make comments on her bust. Even after losing a significant amount of weight, most of the comments she gets are related to her chest size and not her major weight loss. She’s often hurt and offended by these comments but isn’t so she how to stop them or even how to respond to them.

I think it’s a fine line that is really easy to cross when addressing anyones appearance. Even between close friends, the lines get very blurry and feelings can be hurt. Most of the time true compliments are welcome but I think people need to be careful with their words. What’s happened to simply saying to someone “you look great”?

Have you ever been offended or offended someone with a compliment? Do you think it’s ok to talk about someones appearance or body?